Is it rude not to ask people back to the house after a funeral?

My nan's funeral is next week and my sister is worrying about whether she has to ask people back to her house afterwards as unfortunately i live far away so it would have to be her house.


She's not too keen on having people back, let alone lots of them but feels like she has to, but how could we invite a close few without upsetting the others?


I really want to help but am not sure what to suggest to her. Also what refreshments should we provide bearing in mind i'm a single mum on a very tight budget?

Is it rude not to ask people back to the house after a funeral?
It's not rude!


At my nan's funeral last year the church was full, but I don't think there was anything formally arranged for afterwards. The close family just knew to go round my grandad's house, the rest just went home.


My aunty made a few sandwiches and put some of them frozen sausage rolls from tesco in the oven.


It was nice..! Don't feel you have to do anything...


I would not have been able to cope with more people than there were after my nan's funeral.
Reply:Don't invite anyone so no one shall be upset. Explain to


everyone about your situation and If some relatives insist on going back to the house, let them handle the expenses for refreshments or if they're on a tight budget too, you can prepare a bisquit and juice to everybody.
Reply:It is usual to invite people back afterwards, or alternatively to have something somewhere else, like a church hall. Probably cheaper at home though. If she's not happy having people to her house, does she have a close friend that would 'host' you? Perhaps a neighbour? Or even back to nan's old house.





It isn't necessary to put on a big buffet or offer alcohol, just ask people verbally (you don't give out written invitations) if they would like to come back for a cup of tea afterwards. I'd offer tea and coffee, and some biscuits and cake. That is perfectly acceptable. Most people will not come back anyway, unless they know you personally. If you only offer tea/coffee %26amp; biscuits people aren't going to be offended that they've been excluded from a 'party'. General etiquette seems to be to thank people for coming to the funeral at the end of the funeral, and then say 'if you'd like to come back for a cup of tea you'd be very welcome ( - we're going back to my friend Sue's at 1 High Street)' .





In fact if it is at someone else's house they are even less likely to come!
Reply:i think you should have something but if it troubles you just make it small and short
Reply:I agree with Vera...after my son passed away, I was in such a daze in the days in between his passing and his funeral that it didn't even occur to me to invite anyone over afterward. But my family who flew in from out of town (parents, sister, grandmother, best friends) came back to the house, as well as a few very close local friends who wanted to be with me during such a trying time. Luckily, several neighbors had brought over covered dishes the day before, and my boyfriend had prepared some food the night before. I agree with those who said to invite over very close friends and relatives and just serve a light snack or sandwiches. The ones close to your nan will keep in mind why they are there and also be there to comfort you and your family.





God bless you and your family during such a trying time.
Reply:Is there a hotel nearby in which you could arrange something? At least this way anyone who wants to go can do so without feeling unwelcome.
Reply:It's tricky - where I'm from in the UK, it seems to be the norm, but quite often people get the local pub to set aside a room with some cold food so they don't have to have it at home and if they want to leave early, then they can, but most of the time people like to have a few drinks and a chat.





When we organised my Dad's funeral, the whole church side of it was horrible and everyone was very upset, but once we got into the pub and everyone got talking it cheered us all up. So getting together isn't necessarily a bad thing - it can help.





But if you're worried about the financial side of things, I'd agree with what someone else suggested and just go for tea and coffee and cake, but perhaps mention beforehand that you're not doing food.





I'm sure people won't expect too much, but if they've come a long way, a cup of tea would be welcome, I'm sure.
Reply:It is true generally, families need a place to congregate after a funeral. It would be awkward to bury your loved one and then just go straight home - these are times you need your family the most, to grieve and mourn and heal.





No need to formally "invite" anyone; you only mention it to your few close family and friends - if other people "show up", you welcome them graciously into your home. It is customary to have "covered dish" style food served - so that if your budget is limited, you should make assignments (salads, vegetables, desserts, drinks, etc.) and you and your sister as the hosts supply the meats only.





Good luck and may God comfort you in this time of sorrow.
Reply:I know it is the norm to ask people back to the house but I don't agree with it .. if I were grieving I would not want a bunch of strangers and I would have to provide food for them.. and all they do is talk about the latest gossip and the just departed person is already forgotten.. I remember that from when my husbands grandma died.. her daughter my mother in law had all those strangers there and nobody said a word about the dead woman .. all they did was stuffing food down their throats.. I would abhorr having to do it.. but if you got to.. I would really say.. those who have come from a far distance.. and had to drive there they deserve some nourishment before they go back after the services but I would see no need to invite the whole village ... anyone who came from afar to be at the funeral for them some sandwiches and tea and /or coffee should be provided and of those who live in the same town.. then only those should be invited who were close or good friends of the dead woman.. but not those who were mere aquaintances.. . anyone living in the town. who was a friend of your nan should be invited or anyone who took it upon him or herself to travel to the funeral because they wanted to be there.. for them I would provide sandwiches and coffe and tea.... that seems normal and fair to me.. the other people who met her on occasion can go home and eat at home...x
Reply:How about everyone getting together at a nice park (weather permitting) and bring the food there? That way people get some sun too and fresh air.


You can buy food in bulk at the grocery store to save money. For example, cakes and other desserts, beverages (sodas, juices, water), chips, sandwiches, etc. Use paper plates, paper/plastic cups, plastic spoons/forks/knives, etc so don't have to worry about any dishes to wash and that way you don't need to worry about vaccuuming and cleaning up.





Thats what I would do if I don't want anybody coming over at my house.